"Red Line approaches, please stand back!
In an orderly fashion you may board."
Shouts the crackling voice from above the track.
But no one listens, the voice is ignored.
Forty-nine people begin to play
The race to enter the great steel womb.
Only forty-five can cram today
That large family takes up too much room.
Bells sound and the doors all close.
The four castaways that weren't allowed in;
Carefully will be disposed
In the nearby recycling bin
The bullet fires off with flashy gusto
There are no greetings or how-do-you-dos
They think 'No one is more important than us' so
Nobody stands in the other's shoes
Two minutes into the sardine-tin ride
A destination is finally reached
The businessmen shield their eyes and hide
When the beggar they pass begins to preach
"The Lord made us equal, life just isn't fair.
I sit here below you without any food
Do you happen to have any advice to spare?"
But of course they don't. They are not in the mood
Is it the mood? It's a grandiose day.
The sun in the sky beams down on Wall Street.
Green flurries of arrows- the stocks all display
High numbers that businessmen take as a treat
Back to their dens where concubine wives
Serve their husbands at night in the dark.
Willing to do so because their lives
Are lavished by diamonds that always hit mark.
The target being the ego of friends
And with one flash the gemstone cuts deep
Book clubs and tea parties quickly end
But the girl in lavender spurts out no peep.
She was most obviously raised with great care
Her manners elitist and elegantly dressed
Watching the sleek shine of tawny tossed hair
The jealousy of others awakens from rest.
And with jealousy awakens a beast
The monster from inside the cardboard shack
His lips wet with anticipation of feast
Black gears in his head grind to plan an attack
This feral demon stalks the mauve colored maid
Tracks her silently back to the station
His eyes glimmer famished from behind a hat frayed
And when she looks lost, he grins in elation
Now is the moment, the one time to please
This deadly predator strikes with such lust
His hands dance like a pianist upon ivory keys
On her body with his knife stained brown with rust
The crowd of businessmen turns to look
But swiftly deflate to cowards behavior
This fair little princess will be scarred by this crook
If no one will take up the role of her savior
The snobbish old housewives and children do cluster
They look upon the scene with lavishing dread
Soulless eyes of this monster shine dull with luster
As he holds his prize near -her neck tickled with red
A drummer in silver, dreads swinging in panic.
Rushes to the delicate body of the darling girl, slain.
The monster, now caged, leaps into the tram-track
"Red line approaches" "Look out for the train."















Comments
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The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.
Bill Nye, Interview with Wired.com, April 2005
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"The lives of those who are nearest to us, remain a pattern that lingers in our hearts."--Oargig
"Say no to drugs. Say yes to tacos."
"I'm not shy. I'm studying my prey."
"Having a pulse? Completely overrated."
So, this poem more or less generalizes people and their thoughts and actions. Especially the lack respect and care for others, and other evils in the world. I find this appalling even though every single person has been under this curse sometime in their life. I used some dry sarcasm occasionally because that's how I write.
The plot follows a subway train (L line, Marta, Metro, etc) at the beginning, continues on to describe the people, traveling from person to person until the 'main character' is reached: The girl in lavender. The evil in the world is embodied not only in these people all around her, the businessmen and ladies, but also the 'most concentrated form' is the beast from the cardboard shack. He is whatever the reader finds in him. In my opinion, he is a sexual predator, who eventually attacks and kills this girl as the whole world looks on. Finally, one person steps up to save the girl, but the antagonist has already killed her. Then, caged by the surrounding mob of people, this embodiment of evil jumps into the subway track, and is killed by the oncoming train, thus, completing the cycle of a subway path, and ending the poem. But, deeper, the evil isn't dead, because each one of those persons, excluding the "drummer in silver" has demonstrated some sort of evil during the course of this journey (poem). The beggar who asked for advice represents immaturity. He was in an unfortunate situation, but asking people who aren't morally good doesn't help him. This man not only begs, but also tries to explain his faults on anything but himself. This is far from morally right, but he still seems much more wise than the passing businessmen.
So, this has been my lengthy discussion on my poem. Did it answer your question? Any more questions? What was your favorite stanza? least favorite? etc.
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Member of *100ThemesChallenge Check out my submissions --> [link]
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Member of *100ThemesChallenge Check out my submissions --> [link]
Yes, it answers my question quite throughly.
My favourite stanza would have to be,
"A drummer in silver, dreads swinging in panic.
Rushes to the delicate body of the darling girl, slain.
The monster, now caged, leaps into the tram-track
"Red line approaches" "Look out for the train.""
I don't think you describe enough of the other people on the train. You only do the businessmen and the diamond ladies, though I suppose you mention the large family and the castaways, as well as the beggar when they get of the train.
--
The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.
Bill Nye, Interview with Wired.com, April 2005
--
Member of *100ThemesChallenge Check out my submissions --> [link]
--
The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it.
Bill Nye, Interview with Wired.com, April 2005
--
grow feathered wings and learn to fly
check out my gallery please [link]
--
Member of *100ThemesChallenge Check out my submissions --> [link]
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